Funny Aussie Computer Terminology

Log On…… Make the barbie hotter
Log Off…… Don’t add any more wood
Monitor…… Keeping an eye on the barbie
Download…… Get the firewood off the ute
Floppy Disc…… What you get lifting too much firewood at once
Window…… What you shut when it’s cold
Screen…… What you shut in the mozzie season
Byte…… What mozzies do
Bit…… What mozzies did
Mega Byte…… What Townsville mozzies do
Chip…… A bar snack
Micro Chip…… What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem…… What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix…… Old Dan Matrix’s wife
Laptop…… Where the cat sleeps
Software…… Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster
Hardware…… Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart
Mouse…… What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe…… What holds the shed up
Web…… What spiders make
Web Site…… The shed or under the verandah
Cursor…… The old bloke that swears a lot
Search Engine…… What you do when the ute won’t go
Upgrade…… A steep hill
Server…… The person at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
Mail Server…… The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
User…… The neighbour who keeps borrowing things
Network…… When you have to repair your fishing net
Internet…… Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape…… When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
Online…… When you get the laundry hung out
Off Line…… When the pegs don’t hold the washing up
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